So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
