i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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