so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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