you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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