I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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