Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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