i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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