Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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