its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
