I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
