The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk is a universal language darling
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
