All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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