Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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