i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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