We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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