Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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