Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
