That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
