I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So. Much. Porn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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