I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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