I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
