meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
