you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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