I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
