Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
