Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize