can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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