Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
