we have officially lost it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
