get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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