I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
