FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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