dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Vodka?
Forever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
