Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
