I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
