Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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