i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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