Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
