covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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