The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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