i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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