How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
