I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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