i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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