Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
