ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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