Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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