your parents love me but you hate me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
