he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
