Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
