I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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