Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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