No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
