watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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