she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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