it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
